Stop Doing What You're Doing and Do What You're Doing.

I've been studying Zen for about 20 years, most of my adult life; not Zen Buddhism, but Zen.  I still believe Zen Buddhism to be an oxymoron, like saying you're and atheist christian.  People in my immediate life believe me to be Buddhist because I spent so much time at a Zen Buddhist training center in recent years, but more aesthetically shallow, because I spent most of that time with my head shaved.  My experience with Yokoji was more out of convenience than desire, as it is very close, and I have a surreal connection to it that I only realized after spending time there.  I am in no way saying that I don't adore the souls there; I absolutely do; and since I was accidentally forced to work Sundays, sitting in that space has been something severely missing from my life; but I don't consider myself a Buddhist, though I appreciate the Zen of it all.  In my decades of study for my own sake, the best thing I ever read about Zen was written by Alan Watts in a book about Zen:

"Stop reading about Zen."

I continue to read about Zen, even though it's the same simple thing said a thousand and one different ways.  One thing that has really helped my mind level off is getting back into reading for inspiration.  Let's face it, it is difficult to find inspiration in a book about yeast, especially when most of the information is still way over your head.  I had to pause my educational reading and get some photographic Zen reading in, and I am finally beginning to feel some peace in what has been a chaotic couple weeks.  Even as I write this I am having a low grade panic attack thinking about having to work a Friday night in a high volume kitchen, but I got a couple chapters in about the Zen and meditative approach to creativity and photography, so I'm just breathing.  There I go talking about work again.  It has been a peaceful morning, and I got some rest and time with my kids.  I am focused on that, and the Zen of rolling cigarettes.  That should keep my head on straight enough to make it through another maelstrom.  Yesterday is the distant past, and tomorrow is the unforeseeable future, neither of which exist.