Enigma

I'm just a tired old man now...


... and that's ok.

Suddenly life became beautiful again.  I'm not sure why, but I hope to figure it out.  The horizon has opened up a bit.  I can see more of it than just the hazy sunset.  I can see where I am, and what I'm doing.  I feel like I've had my head down, staring at my feet and doing my job, for the last two years.  I really didn't have the opportunity to like or not like what was happening.  I just noticed that the corner of the big picture was peeling off the wall, so I kept picking at that little corner until the skin on my finger was raw and bloody... then I had something else to complain about.

I've gotten a glimpse of that bigger picture again, and all it took was laughing a little about the silliness of all the corners that we pick at, especially when your bigger picture is mundane because you're doing what you think you're supposed to.  My bigger picture is pretty fucking beautiful.

The other day I wrote pages on how relationships existed for one simple reason, which was a basic joke by the ever intertwining universe: two people exist intimately with each other to destroy one another; it is a way to displace energy.  The problem is that, out of ego, we fight it, which creates more energy and dissonance.

The point of Zen is destroying ego and just being, which creates a natural harmony with the energy that we are all bound to.  The pages on relationships began as an observation of what we do to make relationships work, because we are bred to feel like we need them, and while I believe that we inherently need interaction, we don't really need intimate relationships.  They primarily fail because they are not what we want them to be, but who the fuck are "we" and who gives a shit what "we" want?  We become what we think they want, because we want them; they become what they think we want because they want us: that's two souls who are destroyed by the other in hopes to find what they think they want based on what they're told they're supposed to have.

Each of us, each individual human soul, is a box full of puzzle pieces, and anyone with half a brain and half a heart spends their life trying to assemble these puzzle pieces, only to realize that the more you fit your pieces together, the bigger and more complex the puzzle gets.  When you add more individual human souls into the equation, you add more puzzle pieces to the box, ad infinitum.  With the loss of ego, and need to solve your own puzzle, you discover that the true secret to success in life lies in the ability to give up pieces of yourself to complete other people's puzzles, until they, maybe one day, realize that there is no puzzle to be solved.