One Road at a Time

 I'm not really sure where to post anymore. I started doing just film, but I obviously haven't scanned any negatives in a while, and haven't found myself in any scenery worth pulling the new Broni out for, but life does go on, doesn't it, and we just keep shooting.

We are certainly lacking some adventure in our lives, which always makes for decent photos, but the last couple times we headed out to AZ to visit family, we have hit some dirt roads on the way back, and have always found something. So far it has been duct taped together, abandoned houses near mines, which are generally just gaping holes in the ground. This is always fun with two kids under five toodling around. Is toodling a word? Write that down. We are obviously restricted to the mobility of a Subaru Outback, but it gets us pretty far in most the time.

This time we found a cluster of similar named mines, id est, different claim numbers, same person. We didn't see any no trespassing signs, but we did see a lot of no prospecting signs. One of the claims was set up like a memorial, with a straight up head stone. We didn't investigate to see if it was an actual burial. The grave stone was labelled "#1 goldminer" and mentioned 63 years at this site. Kind of makes me wonder how much gold he actually found if he felt the need to stick to it for that long? You know? At some point, if you are truly the #1 goldminer, Shouldn't you have accumulated enough wealth to retire somewhere a bit more glamorous than still digging holes in Quartzsite, AZ?

I don't know. Aside from covering a significant chunk of land west of Quartzsite, we also finally checked out Lake Pleasant, and by that I of course mean we looked at the lake, drove around a little, then drove the entire course of Castle Hot Springs Road, not knowing, when we set out for the location, that the road kept going, so there were a number of spots I wanted to shoot on our way back, but we never came back.

We just went in a very time consuming, but relaxing circle. I do have plenty of spots in my head, though, for the next time we happen to be out on that road that we've already driven. Anyway, this was a bit of a ramble. Sometimes I just need to write something to make myself feel better, and I don't feel like I've written anything in a while. Insert inspirational message here.

The Facebook Inquisition

 

Individuals in the fine art community have been complaining for months about FB bans, and things changing, but it never really effected me until recently. A couple weeks ago I posted a censored photo, like I’ve been doing for years, not looking to push the boundaries of the rules, and I was immediately hit with a three day ban, clearly an AI response. I obviously argued the decision, as it was wrong, and even asked in the message if I should make the blurry boxes more definite, since in this case they were very similar in greyscale to the body itself. The next morning the photo was back, and I was able to post again. Hours later I received a resolution notice, with the automated “we’re sorry we got this wrong” message, no actual response to my message in trying to find a resolution on my end. Whatever.

Later that day I posted another censored image and got hit immediately, again, and as I was arguing that decision, I got hit again for the photo that was put back that morning… seriously, what the actual fuck is going on? The twist to these two bans was that I could still post, so, whatever. The next morning they were put back, but I received blank resolution notices from the facebook… two blank resolution notices. Later, on day three of this debacle, I posted another censored photo and was immediately flagged with a week long ban, but for a photo that I had posted weeks ago.

When I argued, the photo was immediately put back, but I remained banned. I opened a ticket saying that I was wrongly banned for a photo that was put back, but I still couldn’t post, and ten days later it is still open. My ban is up, and they are still humping a doorknob.

Meanwhile, there is an obvious loophole for anyone who has a backup account, which is just about everyone at this point: you can still post to your account; just tag yourself in a post on your backup account; you may not be able to post while you’re banned, but you can allow posts you were tagged in to appear on your timeline while you’re banned… so fuck facebook.

Honestly, I am all for facebook's rules and regulations. I don’t want my newsfeed to be full of inappropriate photos, but I also believe that there is a very clear line between natural photos of natural humans, and photos that cross that line. All I want is for facebook to respect my censored edits as much as I respect the human body. If my magic blurry boxes aren’t good enough, then tell me how I can do it better. Stop rampaging around loping off heads because your AI software is having a fucking stroke.

We had hoped to head out to Wonder Valley last Sunday, but had to settle for a couple little hikes around the desert side of our mountain, complete with some boring photos of boring things, and a couple of my amazing wife, which was perfectly fine. It was nice to take a bit of a break from all this frustration and relax. We just received our first print, on pretty decent paper, and we are pleasantly surprised. Time to start selling my work, and change this paradigm.

Zen Dust

A couple randoms: my wife in JT and with Katlyn at Trona. Lately I have been obviously lost on this journey, but there is something very Zen about removing dust spots from film scans, one little square inch at a time. I really want to shoot more film, but finding time is always an issue. This horrible winter is finally starting to warm up, but there is still a bite in the air. I want to work with more people, but everyone is either afraid, expensive, or busy.

We are busy creatures, but what are we doing? I just keep doing what I have always been doing. Things get bad; get better; keep going. "Throw your dreams into space like a kite..." I have one shoot lined up with a beautiful soul in a couple months, but unless the Universe opens up a little, I won't get much accomplished this year. Maybe I need to write. Maybe. Maybe. We shall see.

Variations

... on a side boob. I went into this thinking 'variations on a spine', but I had to come to terms with the fact that the exposure is clearly focused on a different part of the anatomy, so... I'm going with a side boob study. I think I've done a pretty good job of not focusing on body parts in my work, but I have always wanted to get closer and try some body scapes. I have an ethical aversion to getting too close with my camera, though. I accidentally brushed Willa's nipple when I was shooting the caterpillar on her stomach last year and just about pissed myself.

I guess I'm kind of a Huey the Bear when it comes to shooting. I've just got too much going on in my little brain to be focused on what body parts I'm capturing by accident, so I keep my distance to avoid any accidental contact whatsoever. lol. I am perpetually disappointed in myself when I upload photos and there are accidental bits, which renders the photo unusable for me. Sienna is another one I had to sadly turn down this year, but I am working on creating a platform to sell prints, so that I can afford to work with more models, but that would make this a business, and I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of commitment.

The Struggle Is Reel

 

"It isn't events themselves that disturb people, but only their judgements about them." ~ Epictetus

Last year I decided to purchase a larger developing tank so I could develop two rolls of 120 at a time. For whatever reason, I couldn't find a Paterson, or equivalent plastic tank (I just googled "Paterson" developing tank and realized how stupid I am), so I was forced to go with a stainless steel tank, not truly appreciating that there would be that big of a difference.

Aside from the general annoyance that the 120 reels are stuck like that, id est with plastic reels you can adjust them to different film sizes, so if I was to develop 35mm in this tank I'll have to purchase four 35mm reels, I had a really difficult time wrapping my head around loading the film from the inside out, having been doing it outside in for 25 years. Obviously, after spending a good half hour trying to get the first roll to load, I did it wrong, though it only happened the first time. Touching film doth not develop well. I have since gotten a little better at it, but it is still a struggle.

Along with this anomaly, there are also rolls with crease damage from all the times I have to pull the film back out and start over. This last time was so frustrating that I swore I would hunt down a plastic tank and be able to breathe again when loading film. Every time I am completely done with this tank, the film turns out fine, so I get temporary amnesia until I'm back in the light tight basement of the brewery, using a drum of C2H4O3 as a table and an empty keg as a chair, usually with a pint of beer on a ledge of a support beam that I can easily find in the dark... because life is rough.

At the end of the day, you lose some battles. Sorry I lost this one, Vik, but it does look unforgivingly blurry, for what it’s worth. This last time Vik came through, she booked some extra gigs in LA, so she couldn't hang out with us in the desert. We look forward to the next opportunity with this soul, and we just keep heading forward... with less reel loading fuck ups..... maybe.

The God Scans

Anyone who has been to Salvation Mountain when it's busy can surely appreciate how bad ass my wife is. I wish she realized the value that I put on her. My best work, by far, over the last four years has been of this beautiful soul, but she is currently taking a much deserved break from modeling to figure some shit out, and I am begrudgingly taking a break from shooting for financial reasons, and to also figure some shit out, so you will all have to deal with my old film scans from what I am starting to refer to as my Mamiya anomaly.

By old film scans, I naturally don't mean from my old life, which I can't really stomach looking at. These are from about a year and a half ago, which was at the beginning of a pretty epic year for me creatively. I am honestly still treating and posting work from last year, and scanning negatives from the last four, only to find most of them embarrassingly unusable. It is what it is, and it will pave the road for where I'm going next, even though I prefer dirt over pavement, especially when wandering aimlessly, trying to figure shit out. 

Reflection

Gradually picking away at a decades worth of negatives. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the different feel to film. I can tell you that I always hated the look of digital. When everyone was going digital I stayed with film and swore I wouldn't do it. I loved film, and dedicated my entire adult life to it. When the theatre I was working at in my little mountain town was forced to go digital, all of my expertise, experience, and love became obsolete. Now everything is digital, and nothing looks right.

I didn't buy my first digital camera until 2007, but it was primarily because film had gotten so expensive and hard to develop. While I knew how to develop my own film, technically, I didn't actually start doing it until probably 2010, and then prints became an issue and I couldn't afford a good scanner, so the negs just piled up. This year I spent my model money on a much needed scanner, so of the dozen or so amazing models that have contacted me this year, the only ones I've been able to work with were for trade, and lets face it, I'm not important or talented enough for the big traveling models to want to work with me that bad. It has actually all become incredibly depressing. I've gotten to the point where it's become almost impossible to send messages or respond because this is so embarrassing. Maybe this was meant to be a year of reflection? It is all so beautiful and simple in my backward mind, but it is apparently incredibly complicated. 

Ascension

I absolutely love how differently film captures people. There is a slight attraction to the surrender to chance; just crunching all the numbers in your head and crossing your fingers in a lot of cases; between using new films and potential (to the point of very likely) equipment failure, it is almost more luck than not, and I've been pretty lucky. More than the technical differences between digital and film, which is significant, something about film seems to penetrate deeper into the individual. I want to say that it captures more of the soul, but I don't throw concepts like that around lightly, and I will never be so arrogant as to put such importance on myself. It really isn't that difficult to take a photograph, but it is near impossible to take a good one, especially when you are basically shooting blind. I am learning to be content with 'good enough', because it will always simply be what it is, with what we've got, and who we are. 

Le Portrait Du Soi

I never liked my face, so I thought I would post a photo of it. This is not an entirely self portrait, as my wife composed it and released the shutter, but I am responsible for the exposure. Quite possibly one of the last frames ever taken with the Mamiya, but I kind of like that antique look, so I don't know.

"Were you to live three thousand years, or even a countless multiple of that, keep in mind that no one ever loses a life other than the one they are living, and no one ever lives a life other than the one they are losing." ~ Marcus Aurelius