Reflection

Gradually picking away at a decades worth of negatives. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the different feel to film. I can tell you that I always hated the look of digital. When everyone was going digital I stayed with film and swore I wouldn't do it. I loved film, and dedicated my entire adult life to it. When the theatre I was working at in my little mountain town was forced to go digital, all of my expertise, experience, and love became obsolete. Now everything is digital, and nothing looks right.

I didn't buy my first digital camera until 2007, but it was primarily because film had gotten so expensive and hard to develop. While I knew how to develop my own film, technically, I didn't actually start doing it until probably 2010, and then prints became an issue and I couldn't afford a good scanner, so the negs just piled up. This year I spent my model money on a much needed scanner, so of the dozen or so amazing models that have contacted me this year, the only ones I've been able to work with were for trade, and lets face it, I'm not important or talented enough for the big traveling models to want to work with me that bad. It has actually all become incredibly depressing. I've gotten to the point where it's become almost impossible to send messages or respond because this is so embarrassing. Maybe this was meant to be a year of reflection? It is all so beautiful and simple in my backward mind, but it is apparently incredibly complicated.