Clarity

 I don't know why such an obvious thing eluded me until today, but I did realize that I mostly write about work, which is not at all what I ever intended, and nowhere near what I wish to focus on as a creative.  I just work so much that work is constantly on the forefront of my mind.  I really don't mean to harp on it as much as I do.

 There is a fine line between living to work and working to live.  I love my job.  I really do.  I can see that there are a lot of people on my little mountain who would love to do what I do, and I am grateful for the opportunity to do it, which I have mentioned a number of times, seemingly forgotten amongst my rambling about being exhausted from working too much.  Even the in-between-brewery shifts in the kitchen are something I am pretty happy with.  While kitchen work isn't something I necessarily want to do, I do enjoy it for the most part.  Working in a kitchen and being on the front lines are two completely different things.  I'm used to running my ass off to make sure the important people have what they need.  Now I'm more responsible for the finished product, which is awesome and terrifying.  I don't know why I'm so convinced that I'm horrible at this.  I'm not being down on myself.  I think I really just understand the importance of experience, and I am making it work in two areas where I have little to none.  This is my experience.  You're watching it, whether you like it or not.  lol

 Things have been hectic and stacked, but we're starting a new empire, and I can't even begin to describe how proud I am to have been one of the staple employees to make it happen.  Yeah, I work a lot.  Yeah, I'm tired.  We are all in the same boat here, and I never meant to be the sea sick one.

 That being said, today Facebook reminded me that it's been two years since I worked with a professional nude model, aside from giving Anastasia a ride from LA to SD and getting a little shooting done at Black's Beach later that year.  That's pretty fucking depressing.  I have amassed a beautiful portfolio with this amazing soul... that I wake up with every morning.  While I am grateful for this opportunity, there isn't much skill involved in shooting someone you spend all your time with.

The last two years have been a surreal series of last minute cancellations, or inability to collaborate with anyone creatively because I didn't have the time or money.  I know everything is going to be fine.  All of this is happening for necessary reasons.  I see the reasons, and I can't wait to discover more reasons.  For the time being, we just keep going, and try to smile about it all.


Technically another post about work, so... sorry.  Hopefully my mind will open back up again soon.


Everything smells like beer.