In the Mean Time

 I have nightmares about grain and mills and chemicals eating my skin.  This is so weird.  For over a decade of my life I was paid for my expertise and experience, which basically consisted of unlocking the business and sitting there until everyone left.  Everything in between was mindless.  The only reason I had that job was because if something went wrong I could fix it.  I wasn't friendly, or even nice.  I didn't bring people to the business.  If anything, I drove them away.  There were the precious few who appreciated who I was, but even fewer were the people who truly appreciated what I did.  Film is gone, though, so we must move on.

 Now, I'm getting paid better to be a novice at something; shit, I somehow managed to get through high school without taking chemistry, and I'm dealing with a lot of chemistry here, not to mention a lot of biology, that I always zombied through.  Sure, there is the basic pay scale change that has escalated dramatically in the last five years, but there is a kind of pressure here.  This is kind of a big deal for this little mountain town, and, while I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be at ground zero, I feel like I'm flopping around in shoes that are way too big for me.  We keep going.  We make it work.  I've been given a deadline to bring my own recipe to the brewery by Wednesday.

 In the mean time, I'm shooting something officially "fashion" on Sunday/Monday, which is even more terrifying.  I have been very vocal about it being something that I could do, but I never really wanted to do.  Well, shit, here we go.  Will the way I see the world completely fuck up what they expected?  Should I stand by my view, or conform to what I know they want, which is also something I have been very vocal about being negative?  To anyone who ever doubted my ethics... this is  a pretty epic moral dilemma.

We keep going. We make it work.  This is how photographers make money; this is why I don't make money as a photographer.  I have spent my life fighting what media and fashion have told you are ideal.  Now, I am keeping my mouth shut and shooting what they want me to shoot, and doing the very best that I can at that.  I do think it's funny how I see myself versus how others see me.  Those things don't ever seem to match up.  These are all silly things on my head.  I've got to be up at 5, to grain in at the brewery at 7, then do a big lunch res at the restaurant at 11, then go back to the brewery to grain out the mash tun, then go work a closing shift at the restaurant.

Saturday I get to sleep in till 7 and do the double-ish at the restaurant.  Sunday/Monday I shoot for probably only 5 hours, then stare at my computer adjusting levels for days/weeks/months/whatever.

I used to get paid for my expertise and experience...

...at some point in there I'm going to need to research a beer recipe, while juggling my newborn, toddler, wife, a chainsaw, a bucket of caustic, a 55 pound bag of roasted barley, and standing on my hands.

Bring it on.

I'm actually pretty excited about brewing my absolute own beer.  Seriously, even though, as with anything else, especially in the creative world, it has all kind of been done before.