Dot Dot Dot

 Strangely enough, I haven't really been hit with anything to write about.  It was wonderful to spread my wings a bit and work with a model again, but I'm not really sure yet how I feel about it.  I say that like I haven't worked with any models in two years, but I have, some amazing models, but something about traveling models is completely different.  Obviously, I wish I could do this every day of my life, but I also don't really want to do it without my family.  She's traveling with her boyfriend, so he was there.  It seemed kind of strange to be there alone, even though working with kids around can be a bit of a nuisance.  That's my life, though.  Why wouldn't I want my family, who I'm doing this with, to be there to do it with me?  

 The first time I ever worked with a traveling model, I took her to this spot, and vividly remember the 3 hour drive home thinking, "what the fuck do I do now?"  I knew then that I couldn't afford to do this, but I kept doing it.  Seven years later, I still can't afford to do it, but I'm still doing it.  My portfolio reflects the simple fact that I can't afford to really do this.  So, what the fuck do I do now?

In regard to not really having anything to write about, even though I clearly had something to write about… part of the problem is that after Kerouac I haven't really picked up another book, so I am somewhat lacking literary inspiration.  I'm not really sure what to do next.  I do have a book on sacred geometry that I started to pick away at, but it's like reading a math textbook.  Maybe I should go back to reading the ancients?  I still have half a library of books that read like choking, but they have to be read...at some point.  Maybe I just need to step back from everything and take a deep breath, but I am too overwhelmed with feeling like I am wasting precious moment of my life.  I just want to keep working.  I'd like to say that I want to keep learning, but I'm not really learning anything.  Everything is the same basic story or concept, but with different words and voices.  

"Stop reading about Zen."