And Just Like That...

... summer is over.  Obviously, not officially until three days after my second daughter’s first birthday, but by all practical means, another summer is gone.  All that remains is a little lingering heat before another long winter on my little mountain.  Oh, the things I wanted to accomplish.  We made it to the beach once this year, though we were naked on A beach twice (thank you, Tahoe).  With the amount of work that goes into opening a restaurant, it is kind of hard to get out there into the world and explore creatively.  I mean, like, there have been fights about it.  

 I did branch out a little this summer and work with a few new people, but I definitely didn’t get much done, especially with the beautiful souls that I have constant access to (there have been fights about it).  I have been very tired for what seems like a very long time.  Being knee deep in Kerouac’s original scroll is leaving me drooling for adventure.  Instead, we deal with a day off here…….a day off there.  There are still one hundred and one projects I have in my head, but at this point I’m on the verge of starting a gofundme just so I can work with one more model...and...you know..... pay rent. C’est la vie.  One day I will not be limited to what I can afford and who I have access to.  One day.  I am already blessed to have this beautiful little family I can shoot, but there are only so many photos you can take in your own back yard.  I’ve been teetering a lot lately with what the worth of any of this is.  Most seem to appreciate it.  Even more just pretend it doesn’t exist.

 What I’m actually trying to accomplish seems to be missed entirely.  I’m just kind of reviewing my summer and being grateful for the few opportunities I have had, whether I’m communicating that properly or not, because it is always easy to get discouraged.  I’m not.  I’m grateful.  I have plenty of things going on in my life right now that would give me every reason to be unhappy, but I am happy.  More than making the most of it; actually appreciating whatever has happened and can happen.  I guess Jean-Louis is helping a bit with that: just enjoy whatever comes.  My stuff just happens to be mildly mundane… right now.

 Summer, however, as the romanticized ideal for adventure and freedom, has faded into another cycle.  I do not feel like the summer in my little mountain town was even here, honestly.  We did not get that busy, as tourist communities go, but the brewery and restaurant that have become my second home have been busy since we opened in March, so I suppose my view is a little jaded.  This weekend is it.  Labor Day is notoriously the last hurrah for this place, though we do have plenty of little events to try to pull people up here.  We shall see what happens.  All I can do at this point is just keep making good beer.

As for the projects, I need to start writing this shit down and really searching for people who want to be involved.  That requires me actually making creative friends, which is way outside my social comfort zone.  I’ve tried so many times to get things off the ground, and no one seems to understand what I’m doing, because no one can see past what they’re doing.  This post really is all over the place, which is also something I need to stop.  I like my heart, but there is no place for it in the professional world.  Focus.  Breathe.

I can’t breathe.