Séquence de Rêve

 Most people need a voice of reason; someone in their life who can point out what's important and what's not; someone who can explain those realistic little details that usually go unnoticed.  The problem with that is most people don't listen to voices of reason, because, as a selfish animal, we don't hear what we don't want to hear, especially if it contradicts what we're thinking, regardless of how completely irrational it may be.

 I don't worry about much.  Primarily because I know everything is going to be alright; worrying just adds stress to your life.  I should be stressing about money.  I'm not.  I know that everything will work out how it's supposed to.  I just keep working.  Right now I'm knee deep in a film festival, at which I've been running the booth since day one, eight years ago.  In past years this festival and it's demanding hours, running up and down stairs to tweak sound and picture on films that are generally not presentable but at a festival level, would put me a little ahead, and usually ensure that I could work with a model at the beginning of the new year.

 This year the festival fired me five days before it started, after the better part of a decade of my life that I had given to it, then hired me back at less than half the wage.  They didn't need me anymore; they still needed me.  There is obviously more to the story that I'd rather not get into, and it involves a lot of finger pointing and the 'he said/she said' bullshit that seems to fuel this sad little mountain town.  In the meantime, I had asked for two weekends off from work, then told them I could work, then had to tell them that I couldn't work again, in the matter of days.  For less than half the wage...

 ...twice the days.... ten to twelve hour days that blend together in a swirl of stairs and coffee and levels and switching lenses and snow and cues and filmmakers complaining and getting home to a fussy 3 month old and a 3 year old that is screaming about some petty thing that only three year olds give a shit about but it's ok for her to scream because it's ok to feel but I say it's also ok to learn how to process feelings, all the while the adult at home complains about things like not getting enough sleep, then proceeds to stay up all night because she can't sleep.  If you're tired, you sleep, and at some point you learn how to fall asleep when you close your eyes.  Most people need a voice of reason.....

There's more; there's no more.  I'll go on; I'll stop.  Tip.  Toe.

I just want to accomplish something.  I just want the people around me who also want to accomplish something to actually do that.  This year has already led to a lot being done in my mind, but it is difficult to navigate someone else's reality, especially when you discover that theirs is far more important than yours.

Just keep dreaming.