Spooky Action At a Distance

"The transactional interpretation of quantum mechanics assumes that the phases of these waves are such that once an observer perceives an event, it cancels out waves from the event that continue later in time and also cancels those parts of the wave that come before the event emits the wave. Thus, the only thing left that is detectable in time is the wave between the time the event emitted it and the time the observer received it.

As it happens, that exactly corresponds with what we observe physically." ~ P. 118

The summer is over. I feel like the year is almost over. Not much has happened on the creative front. Everything is work and the girls. That sentence looks a lot more fun than the reality of it all. Most of the time it feels like I'm running from work to school stuff or vice versa. V is in middle school now, which starts earlier, so I drop her off at school with her best friend on my way to work in the morning. The summer was packed with activities, topped off with another trip to Indiana to visit the fam there, which was amazing. They are such good people. 

On the drive there and back we stopped in some cool spots, including a brief visit to the infamous Gary, Indiana, which has been on my bucket list for a while. We drove around and saw some of the epic abandoned spots, but only shot in the Hollywood Famous Methodist Church. I could've spent weeks in Gary, but this was the last leg to Amish, Indiana, so we only spent hours in this crumbling maze of 20th century hate and fear, disguised as good will. I'll simply sum up that whole story by saying that as the pigment challenged (white) parishioners got old and died, the church had to fold, and remains today as a funded garden.

I really wish I had the time and resources to back a dump truck up to that church and clean it out. I'm a little shocked that no has done that yet, especially with close to a million dollars granted to clean up projects by the city. It is fair to assume that it had been significantly cleaned up, but was vandalized in a way by negligent projects and residentially challenged, which is always a shame. The Garden aspect of it doesn't look even remotely cultivated. It looks like any other building that has been reclaimed by nature.

So, on top of the money that was invested for clean up, I also wonder what happened to the money that was invested by the city to make it an established "garden."... and why am I not applying for such grants when the work is obviously so minimal? I feel like I've gone on a little too long about one spot in this post, but I'm sure anyone reading this understands our obsession with abandoned places like this. I do also have to thank my goddess partner for forcing some of these stops to happen on this drive, because my creative inspiration has been sputtering, especially since we moved to Omaha.

We keep talking about how we need to do more creatively, but every day existing seems to take up all of our time and energy. Even when we do find little places and time to shoot, little to none of it actually makes it to this public platform, primarily because my lack of inspiration leaves me with nothing to write about. Maybe I'm reading the wrong books right now, when I do get a little time to read? Maybe we are just juggling one too many balls in this leg of life, and lose too much time picking up the balls we've dropped?

The opening quote was the first thing in my current reading that popped out at me, and the title is an Einstein quote describing the phenomenon, neither of which really relate to this post. I should've been writing about the abundance that I'm calling in and making opportunities like this an immediate part of my reality, which is also happening if we step back and really see it. Life remains beautiful, no matter where we are and what we're doing. While I often feel overwhelmed by the mundane, and at a loss of inspiration, our map of pinned places is filling up pretty quick, and is swiftly spreading across the states. I am grateful for that, and for this beautiful little family who enjoys exploring these places with me... and for days off from work because my daughter is sick so I can actually take a deep breath from the constant barrage of movement and activity to wrap my head around little posts like this.

Invierno Numero Uno

 "The true horror of existence is not the fear of death, but the fear of life. It is the fear of waking up each day to face the same struggles, the same disappointments, the same pain. It is the fear that nothing will ever change, that you are trapped in a cycle of suffering that you cannot escape. And in that fear, there is a desperation, a longing for something, anything, to break the monotony, to bring meaning to the endless repetition of days."

- Albert Camus, The Fall

I think we can officially say that we have survived our first Omaha winter, and it really wasn't that bad, though just about everyone agrees that the winters here have not been as intense as they once were. The worst of this winter was bearable, even with a job that had me on the streets. There was an ice storm in December that was pretty shady, but for the most part, it was so cold when it snowed that it was like piled dust that you could clear away with a leaf blower.  We did accidentally miss this last storm, though, because we happened to be on an exotic spring-break vacation in Kansas City. We continue living the dream.

The Love That Will Not Die

"On the journey of the warrior-bodhisattva, the path goes down, not up, as if the mountain pointed toward the earth instead of the sky. Instead of transcending the suffering of all creatures, we move toward turbulence and doubt however we can. We explore the reality and unpredictability of insecurity and pain, and we try not to push it away. If it takes years, if it takes lifetimes, we let it be as it is. At our own pace, without speed or aggression, we move down and down and down. 

With us move millions of others, our companions in awakening from fear. At the bottom we discover water, the healing water of bodhichitta. Bodhichitta is our heart- our wounded, softened heart. Right down there in the thick of things, we discover the love that will not die. This love is bodhichitta. It is gentle and warm; it is clear and sharp; it is open and spacious. The awakened heart of bodhichitta is the basic goodness of all beings." ~ Pema Chödrön

The recent video we did about how we met got me thinking about the book that I happened to have with me when we found ourselves in Wonder Valley, Comfortable With Uncertainty. I decided it might be time to revisit this beautiful little book of 108 easily digestible meditations, which isn't even on the list of notable books published by Pema on Gampo Abbey's website. I should probably expand my Pema library, but this is the work that found me in that moment, for reasons and from places that I can’t possibly remember, during a time in my life when I was going through beautiful books like toilet paper.

I needed the books, and I needed to translate everything on that blog every day to process all that information. That is something that has slowly disappeared from my life, and I miss it, but I also don’t. I am ready for the next movement of my life to find me and flow, but I still have no idea what that looks like; I am still sitting in how everything is supposed to be and waiting for that synaptic explosion of our collective evolution into everything and nothing.

That makes sense, right? *upside-down smiley face*

I should probably mention that while I am dabbling with Pema’s little rays of sunshine, I am also still trying to process Dispenza’s Becoming Supernatural, so the one who is watching me have this human experience is wondering why the human me experiencing this is watching the one and all who is watching wonder why the human me is reading Pema again while struggling to be the human me watching the witness witnessing this.

……….. I know.

Just….. bear with me for a little bit.